My Husband Isn't Satisfying Me

May 30, 2018 Caroline Scolamiero

Clark and I had a huge fight this week.

It was one of those that starts after you're in bed about to fall asleep. It seems like our most intense arguments always happen after 10 p.m. (lucky us...we have to wake up at 5 am, too).

In the moment, it felt like we were arguing about a bunch of different causes and events that occurred this week. But looking back now - I see that the root of the whole argument was something much simpler.

We both wanted to feel understood, valued, and fulfilled through one another.

It's so easy to think, "Of course, you guys are married! You should want to feel those characteristic through each other." But that way of thinking sets couples up for disaster.

I never really grew up with a great understanding, or experience, of marriage and relationships if we are being blunt here. As I got older, I started forming the understanding in my head that my friends, boyfriends, and especially my husband should fulfill my heart and satisfy me. My happiness depended on how those relationships were turning out.

I hate to break it to you if you read that and think "me too", you are in for a major let down, if you haven't already experienced it.

My husband doesn't satisfy me. He doesn't fulfill me. Most days, he doesn't meet my needs and desires. And unfortunately, he let's me down ... a lot.

But before you start to think, "Dang, she is roasting this guy so publicly right now," I want you to understand something. He will never fill the emptiness I have in my soul. He will never meet all of my needs and desires. And our relationship will continually let me down while I'm expecting him to do it all for me.

He isn't satisfying me because he is not Jesus Christ, Almighty King.

When I place my expectation of fulfilling my soul and satisfying my every need on Clark, I'm bound to feel let down.

The only one who can truly satisfy and fulfill me is the one who created me.

We have to understand that an earthly relationship will never satisfy our souls. Whether its a mother-child relationship, friendship, or marriage, nothing but the love, presence, and sacrifice of Jesus Christ can satisfy us.

Our relationships will flourish when we stop placing unrealistic expectations upon them.

When I choose searching satisfaction in Christ alone, it releases my husband of a cross he wasn't created to bear. Only the Lord can bear that cross...and he already did for you and I.

I'm going to hold myself accountable in this step. I'm going to choose to let the love of Christ fulfill the needs of my heart first and foremost every single day.

I encourage you to take a second to consider if you are searching for fulfillment in relationships that aren't capable of satisfying you, too.

Much love,

Caro

Our Winter Wedding Video

April 29, 2018 Caroline Scolamiero

"I'm in love! I'm in love! And I don't care who knows it!!"

^^^ that's how I feel right now. Our wedding video is finished and tears fill my eyes watching it.

It's been a tough month for us, spiritually and emotionally. We could not think of a better way to end this month than by watching a day full of so much joy, love, and celebration.

Plus- I just love watching Clark get "Iced", and he loves watching me ugly cry.

Thank you to Russell Newton Productions and his whole team for creating and delivering us with this joy. You guys rock!

Enjoy!!!

Bridesmaid Gift Ideas

April 26, 2018 Caroline Scolamiero

Wedding season is among us all, and with that I thought I would share a series of wedding planning tips and ideas I used! Whether you are a bride-to-be, almost one, or single as a pringle, these are great gift ideas to keep in mind for ANY of the women in your #girlsquad.

Planning for my wedding was extremely stressful, as I think it is for everyone...But my favorite part of planning was coming up with gift ideas to show the ones we loved how appreciative we were.

I had six bridesmaids, some were family and others were from college, childhood, and high school. These women are all a vital part of who I am and I would have given them the world if I could. But since I couldn't afford the world, or even just a house on the world, I decided I would muster up my savvy shopping abilities with a creative mind and come up with someone unique but thoughtful!

Below includes the items I gifted my bridesmaids, feel free to ask me any questions. I loved shopping for their gift bags.

*Every item is linked so you can purchase the products I used/recommend. Thought I'd make it a bit easier for you to recreate with some good deals! Many are from Amazon because I'm an Amazon Affiliate- but you can get most of this stuff anywhere. *

"Day of" Emergency Kit :

Tissue Pack
Band-aids
Ibuprofen
Nail File
Shout Wipe & Go
Altoids
Makeup Removing Wipes/ Wet Towelettes
Safety Pins
Hair Ties
Bobby Pins
Gold Makeup Bag (Visit this page and see my favorite options from Amazon)

PSSST DRY SHAMPOO

This link is a GREAT deal on Amazon. I bought the trial sizes for my ladies but for the same price could have gone with the larger size cans if I had found this deal. It comes in "packs" so make sure you see that!

Mario Badescu Rose Water Facial Spray

Can't praise this enough. Probably some of my girls favorite item to refresh with throughout the long day.

Screen Shot 2018-04-26 at 8.35.55 PM.png

Voluspa Mini Candle

I got so giddy when I found this deal. These candles are my go to, and this price at Anthro is hard to beat. Tip-buy on a day they are doing 20% off .

Relaxing Bath Salts

These are German bath salts, and they rock. I gave my girls some I found at World Market, but if I could go back I would get these. I ordered some not too long ago and I'm in love. Come in pack of 4, too!

Handmade Drop Jewel Necklaces by Carson Morris

I really wanted to give my girls something that they can wear past wedding day, and found a beautiful necklace online...but it was WAY out of ya girl's budget. My sweet friend, also college freshman year roomie, makes jewelry and agreed to make similar necklaces for such a good price! They were the month jewel of my wedding month, too.

Velvet Robes

These were probably my favorite find. Unfortunately, Target has discontinued them...but I suggest visiting this brand on target online and looking through. They are GREAT quality and all unique.

My robe seen in picture at the top is linked here. I would highly recommend it! Plus, it's only $20.

so, WHEN do you GIVE them?

I packed them all up in cute gift bags like this or this, and presented them to my ladies at the bridesmaid luncheon the morning before my wedding!

Hopefully this gives you some ideas to gifts your squad, Happy Wedding Season!

I Force Myself to Hold Clark's Hand

April 8, 2018 Caroline Scolamiero

Clark and I argue.

I think this is something that is not really discussed a lot, especially on social media and blogs. We often try to put our BEST versions of ourselves on social media and in the public eye. That also includes putting the best version of our relationship out there.

I could easily tell about all of the lovey-dovey moments there are in our relationship, but that's just not reality.

We fight about stupid things, like how early you should start hitting your brakes at a stop sign (I'm on the right before is just fine side- Clark not so much). But also some real things, like how money should be used in our daily lives and whose accounts it should come from (Yes, we still haven't combined bank accounts...it's on our never-ending to do list I promise).

I don't know about y'all, but when we fight it's not the calmest moments in our relationship. I have an awful habit of staying upset and sitting in my anger for a quite a while...where Clark can be back to normal and happy after the "I'm sorry" and "I love you" is said. Neither is horribly wrong or scientifically correct.

Our emotions just don't bounce back at the same rate, and that is okay!

But coming from someone who probably sits in their hurt and frustration a bit too long, I have formed some pretty bad habits. And I'm being pretty real with y'all right now, so no judging...I know I have some serious "Jesus change me" still to do.

One of my worst habits is when I am upset with someone, even after the sorry and make up part, I still don't want to be near that person. I don't want to chat about my day with them, I don't want to open up about my feelings with them, and I DEFINITELY do not want to have any physical contact.

But in marriage, and relationships in general, I have realized how much the devil loves using our bad habits and arguments to build wedges in our bonds. So instead of choosing to love when I am upset, I choose to hate.

My sin is so deep, that I let it intercept the love someone is trying to give me.

After every argument and fight, Clark's first reaction is to reach for me and especially for my hand. There is nothing that makes me want to run further away than holding his hand in that moment. In the beginning of our relationship I would refuse. I allowed the devil to continue to build anger between us.

But then I forced myself to hold his hand one time. Even through my anger and hurt, I reached out and met him halfway. And it was like the hurt and anger inside of me couldn't withstand the love and affection being shown. It left.

I know it sounds kind of cheesy. Like a How the Grinch Stole Christmas moment, at least that's how I always envision my heart, growing three times as big when I choose love.

But, IT WORKS.

There is just something about that physical touch and choosing to love someone back, even if they don't "deserve" it. When I choose to hold his hand back, I'm choosing grace. I'm choosing to invite the ultimate Love and Giver of Grace back into my heart. But most importantly I'm inviting the Lord back into our marriage.

I want to challenge you: whether you are in a relationship, married, or single as could be.

Choose to love someone back, even when you want to do the total opposite. The peace and joy the Lord will fill you with takes the hate away. It gives you freedom to enjoy that relationship or friendship.

It is healing the hurt and pain, not making the gap larger.

So, hold their hand. In the Instagram moments, but more importantly in the not so Instagramable ones.

What is it like getting engaged young?

March 17, 2018 Caroline Scolamiero

Clark and I got engaged the spring of our junior year in college. We began dating when we were 16 years old and never questioned if we wanted to spend our lives together. The question between us was always when would we make "forever" happen?

As the fall semester of our junior year progressed we began having serious conversations. We shared our hopes and plans for the next couple of years and after graduation. Sometimes those dreams matched up and other times they didn't coincide at all. Clark knew he wanted to play professional baseball and was willing to do whatever he needed to get there. I knew I was graduating a semester early but had no idea what I wanted to do or where I wanted to be. But I knew I wanted to be with Clark.

( I never hesitated to show that desire to him either haha. I have a lot of respect for girls who never speak a word about marriage to their guys. As much as I wish I could say I sat back and let Clark handle it all, that's just not real and not me. Shout out to that controlling nature of women.)

On a rainy Sunday morning in late April, Clark proposed to me in the same spot we met many years ago (his high school football field). Almost all our friends and family were there to celebrate us, and I was full of excitement.

But to be honest getting engaged is overwhelming. I went to bed thinking "what the heck did we just do?"

As news spread, and I really mean as we both posted an Instagram and people started screenshotting and sharing in groupmes, the texts/comments flooded in. All were sweet and singing praises of Clark and me. Of course, nobody is going to send a text that says, "you guys are too young and I think you're crazy but good luck!" Even if that's what most people were thinking.

A lot of people did ask questions to my friends about what we were going to do or why we got engaged so young.

So these are the top questions and comments we received during our engagement. Plus, the things I wish someone would have warned us about, good and bad.

"Did you guys talk about this before or did he just propose?"

This is the biggest question people would ask me to my face. When you get married as young as we did, it is rarely a surprise/shock. I mean I had no idea how he was going to propose- but yes, we talked about it. I would have freaked out if I didn't have an idea it was coming. But some people would rather not know...but not me. I love to plan too much for that.

"What did your parents think?"

I can't speak for what they may have been thinking at first. But I can say that they were supportive. Since we dated through half of high school and almost all college, our parents knew we would most likely end up together. I don't believe they thought it would be this soon...but they supported us. Now when I say 'support' I don't mean they said, "yes that's great" and nothing else. They asked many questions. They confronted us with obstacles we would face and made us think about our next steps. They gave advice and their opinions.

It's important for our generation to understand this: Just because someone who loves you is giving advice, opinions, or questioning something does not mean they don't believe in and support you. They do. That's why they bring those thoughts to your attention. To ensure you succeed.

"How did Clark pay for an engagement ring?

This is my absolute favorite to answer, because I get to praise him a little bit. Clark had never really had a job or saved money ever. He played baseball or football every season and time wasn't available. I loved working and having my own money though. So, when we found out how much rings cost I got super nervous. I kept thinking to myself- there is no way he's going to be able to save money or pay for that. And boy did he prove me so, so, so wrong. He found a way to make money selling lockers for quite a bit of money. He saved like a mad man. He wouldn't spend a dime of money he made doing odd jobs or working baseball camps. He came up with the money and bought me a gorgeous ring. He made it happen by working, saving, working, and saving.

"Why get married now if you know you're going to be together anyways?"

This is a question people asked my friends. I guess they assumed it would offend us. For Clark and I, there is a couple answers. A practical answer is Clark wanted me to travel with him for baseball season. I wasn't ready to commit without a guarantee that we were stuck together. Another answer is that we wanted to live life together finally. Also, we both agreed we didn't want to move in together until we married. Five years is a while and we were ready for the next step. The next answer is that exact reasoning for waiting. We knew we wanted to be together...so why wait?

You could come up with an excuse to wait forever to do what God has called you to. We knew the Lord had called us to a union with one another. Why wait for enough money, more stability, a good career, a big house. We believed that God would take care of us when we stepped out on faith. This waiting is different for everyone based on what God is calling you to- sometimes he calls us to wait for him. But if he has called you to something now, don't let the nature of society call you away from it. He will take care of you. Step out and trust him.

"You're only getting married young to have sex."

This one came from MANY adults. It actually made us laugh because it shows what people define marriage as these days. Sexual roommates. Yes, sex is great and should happen in the boundaries of marriage. But no! That's not the reason we got married.

If you're only getting married to have "guilt-free sex", I hate to break it to you but you will be severely disappointed. Marriage is more than physical. Sex is the glue that holds marriage together most of the time. But marriage is a union with you, your partner, and God. Marriage is tough, it's hard work, and it's exhausting. Sex will not be enough to sustain your marriage if that's all you have. Almost every wiser, happily or not happily married couple would agree with this too.

"You have the rest of your life to live. You're giving up so much!"

Yes, we have the rest of our lives to live. And now we get to live them together. What you "give up" by getting married young, you gain that and more. We still see our friends. We still make new friends alone and together. We still have fun Friday nights out. Life with Clark is eventful, exciting, and unexpected. I have more fun in marriage than I would ever have alone. If you think wow I gave up so much for this when you get married, I feel sorry for you, genuinely. That would suck!

Yes, it's not all butterflies and rainbows. We did have moments during our engagement that we wanted to run from marriage. But those thoughts left the moment we looked to the Lord. We've never let the devil tell us society is right and that we are giving up the world by getting married.

You will have people who are negative and who judge your decisions.

It's like that no matter what you do or where you go. That's life. Some people love breaking others down as a way to make them feel greater.

At first, I let it affect me. I was scared to let my professors find out, whom I had looked up to for so long. I was nervous they would think less of me and my career. I was nervous to let classmates see because they would call me crazy. And would hide it during interviews. But after a while I learned that I had to let those fears slide off my shoulders. I gained confidence in who I am called to be and what I am called to do in this life.

Being married young does not mean you are uneducated. It does not mean you have any less of an ability to have a successful career. And it does not mean you are incapable of chasing your own dreams. I am still the same driven, ambitious, hard working person. Marriage has only accented those qualities with encouragement and support.

You will fight. You will make up.

Being engaged involves pushing many different emotions into one season of life. For each person, it can look different. Whether you're experiencing an identity crises or can't agree on what you want for your wedding, you will fight. Clark and I had never fought more in our relationship than during our engagement. Expectations from family, friends, and each other were set for our wedding. We often let it get in the way of our relationship. We were the first wedding most of our friends attended and the first wedding in our immediate families.

We regularly reminded ourselves that at the end of this season, our goal is to get married. No matter who is there or how we get to that point. So, as long as we accomplished this, everything else would work itself out.

Our advice to someone who is about to get engaged/is engaged now is to seek what the Lord says, not what society says. Surround yourself with community who supports and loves you both.

Our advice to someone who is nowhere near engagement but around young couples who are engaged is to love people well. Shed God's word on them and pray consistently for their marriage.

In a serious relationship or engaged?

We encourage you to ask yourself these ten questions by Megan Miller found here!

If you have more questions about young engagement, or didn't get your question answered, feel free to shoot us a message or comment below. We would love to answer it for you and hear your experience!

OUR WEDDING DAY!

March 3, 2018 Caroline Scolamiero

January 27th, 2018 has stolen my heart.

....

Clark and I got engaged the spring of my junior year in college. We have been dating since we were 16 years old (that story will be told another time). For eight months we planned, well more like I planned if we're gonna be honest, the day down to every detail.

Now I'm not going to lie... planning our wedding was one of the most stressful, difficult, and frustrating experiences. Clark was playing in Ohio for his first season with the Indians and I was gearing up for my final semester while working full time (some tips for planning a wedding will be coming soon. Any soon to be brides keep your eyes open for it!)

Even though the times leading up to our day were anything but a breeze, our wedding day was beautiful. Flaws and all.

We wanted to share some of our favorite pictures with you all!

Scroll down further to see me Ice-ing Clark by putting it in my garter. : )

The biggest shout out goes to the following people who made our day so incredible and above all kept me sane and on time for once:

Venue: Southern Bleachery // Photo: Kiley Lauren Photography // Video: Russell Newton Productions // Floral and decor: Culpepper Designs // HAMU: Hayleigh Kendrick // Dress: Poinsett Bride // Suits: Brittons on Devine // Coordinator: Anna Guin // Calligraphy: Me